What would happen if they hold a race and nobody cares? Would the sound of engines still reverberate down 16th Street? Would Jackie Stewart still have his accent?

From a popular culture standpoint, the Indianapolis 500 ceased being a significant national event at least 15 years ago. Throughout the 1990s and continuing to the present, it’s diminished as much as NASCAR has grown. Its television ratings have fallen to a level below most NASCAR events.

More importantly, the battle for the hearts and minds of racing fans seems to have been won by NASCAR. Few Indy 500 drivers — except the ones which also drive in NASCAR — get big endorsement deals.

And while you can find NASCAR merchandise in any Wal-Mart, you pretty much have to drive to the Speedway to get IRL stuff.

This has caused the city of Indianapolis a lot of damage. We once had the biggest spectacle in racing. Now we have a race that can’t beat Spongebob Squarepants in the ratings. I

nstead of clinging so closely to the past, perhaps Tony George ought to consider some changes to Indy racing, which is in danger of extinction. A few rules changes might spice up things enough to regain the race’s lost popularity.

It’s hard for the George family to even admit there’s a problem. For years, they’ve sat by and twiddled their thumbs as the race’s popularity declined. But the exodus of paying customers, combined with the TV ratings freefall, should make them admit steps should be taken.

1. Bring live TV coverage to Indianapolis. In days gone by, interest in the race was so intense that it made sense to deny Indianapolis live TV coverage of the race.

These days, when C-SPAN 2’s coverage of a Senate committee rivals the race for ratings, it couldn’t hurt to give the city live coverage. For several generations of fans who’ve never seen the race live on TV, finally getting to see the race could stir interest.

2. More colorful nicknames. NASCAR drivers all have interesting nicknames, which adds to the familiarity fans feel with them. The race would become more of a spectacle if “Fatback” Luyendyk were competing with “Grits ’n’ Gravy” Andretti.

3. More interesting feuds. NASCAR’s popularity, in part, stems from the way that many drivers have sworn enemies. Jeff Gordon doesn’t like Dale Earnhardt Jr., and every time they squabble, the ratings go up.

Create storylines about drivers. Pro wrestling’s example is one IRL should follow. Al Unser Jr., for example, might have stolen the girlfriend of another driver, who is out for revenge. Play up all rivalries, imagined or real, and watch the fans pour through the gates.

4. Increase the cars’ durability. Indy race cars are notoriously fragile. One small collision or bump can put a car out of commission. Bumping cars during the race is out of the question.

In contrast, NASCAR vehicles can survive any number of small wrecks. And when a piece of metal is ripped from the car, the pit crew breaks out the duct tape to fix it. If Indy cars could scrape each other, it would make a huge difference in fan interest. Let the cars fight it out for position.

5. More attractive female fans. For some reason, NASCAR attracts female fans like Britney Spears to its races. The Indy 500 gets toothless women from Kentucky.

It’s gotten to the point where the traditional chant of “Show us your breasts” has become “Please don’t show us your breasts.” Fix this problem and many other solutions will follow.

6. Hire celebrities to promote the race. At a NASCAR race, the stars come out. A-list celebs compete with each other for camera time.

In contrast, the Indy race brings out stars like Kent McCord and Jim Nabors, both of whom were popular 40 years ago. Let N’Sync sing “Back Home Again in Indiana.” It couldn’t hurt.

7. Play with the rules. Make cars drive half the race going the wrong way. Make sharp knives emerge from the cars’ sides. Install a button that, when pressed, sends a gush of oil onto the track.

Going around in a circle for an afternoon is clearly boring to some fans. Spice things up a bit.

If the George family would adopt even a few of these proposed changes, the woes of the former Greatest Spectacle in Racing would disappear. With conditions reaching a crisis stage, adapting the race for the 21st century is necessary.

All hail the Fever

Speaking of sports, the Indiana Fever will play a preseason game tonight at Conseco Fieldhouse. The regular season will commence at the end of this month.

If ever there was a need for a winning basketball team in Indiana, this is it. After the debacle of the Pacers’ season, the return of the Fever is especially welcome.

Unlike their NBA brethren, the Fever are comprised of team players. Strong fundamentals combined with a work ethic that rewards teamwork makes for an exciting product.

The Fever this year have increased their chances of going to the championship round. All-Star Natalie Williams has joined a squad that already boasted Nikki McCray and Tamika Catchings. And Stephanie White is back after nearly a two-year absence.

I’ll be at the Fever games all season long to cover the squad and provide perspective. I can’t wait to catch the excitement.