A team of three ninjas announced their existence to a shocked Northeastside audience at a surprise press conference in the early morning hours of March 31 outside the Pendleton Pike dojo that served as their lair.

After a brief display of their martial arts prowess involving traditional Japanese katana swords, the ninja squad announced their retirement.

"Years of silently stalking through the woods of Oaklandon have taken their toll and it is time to hang up the tabi," said ninja master Tetsumuru Anikana.

"If it were up to me, I would happily fade into the blackness of night, leaving all of Lawrence Township just as unaware of our existence as it has been for the last 16 years. But I would have to commit ritualistic seppuku if the considerable contributions other members of this squad have made to this community went unrecognized," Anikana said.

Anikana then praised his chief lieutenant, Omuru Tikowa, for his exemplary service, saying that Tikowa was one of the most kind-hearted assassins he as ever worked with.

"Omuru-san would not hurt a fly — unless that fly spotted him sneaking silently through its living room at night, in which case, Omuru-san would kill it swiftly with a single blow," Anikana said, drawing warm chuckles from his fellow ninja.

Anikana had no comment when asked if his decision to retire had anything to do with the recent appearance of Fishers samurai Kowabungu Gorgana. The ninja then threw smoke pellets into the floor and vanished in the ensuing confusion.